Blind Hope
by LadyUranus
Summary: What if... everything went wrong?
1. Falling

Blind Hope

By LittleGreenBear

Author's note: This takes place after Try. The only spoiler (I think) will be what you see in the ending credits of Try, but it is not too big. I stole blatantly from other fanfictions and manga, but I mean no disrespect towards the authors of these works. Think of it rather as a homage to these wonderful works. 

Chapter 1: Falling

Zelgadis walked along the grass-covered plain, looking at the afternoon sun with squinted eyes. He didn't know where he was. He never did. But somewhere in the middle of this plain of grass he hoped to find something. He didn't know what he searched for either. But somewhere he hoped to find it.

            The grasses began to rustle, as though there was a wind, when Zelgadis could feel nothing. The brilliant green blades shifted back and fourth, back and fourth. It was then that Zel began to feel the land beneath him move, like the earth's very molecules were bumping against one another. The grains of dirt beneath him moved with the grasses, and suddenly opened beneath him.

            He was falling.

            Jutting rocks, inches from his hands, flew past him. He reached for them out of instinct, and finally caught one. Both of his stone hands clung on, and his mind sped through thoughts of what might have happened. Would he be found? He came upon in his quick thoughts. He prayed to L-sama he would.

            Prince Philionel el de Saillune cantered through the forest on his beautiful white steed. In his hands was a golden rein, he sat on a beautifully ornamented saddle. His soldiers surrounded him, each in their best and most crisply pressed uniform. The trees around them reached to the sky, and through the leaves came glimpses of midday sun. The dirt track he and his entourage rode upon was covered in tracks. The forest wind whispered in his ears, as he watched a soldier come to a stop in front of him. 

            "Would you like to stop for a moment, your majesty?"

            Phil nodded, and two soldiers came to help him off his horse, though he hardly needed it. 

            He looked around from his lower position, and felt the urge to leave the crowd of soldiers. He coughed, and spoke to the captain of his guards.

            "If you will excuse me for a moment…"

            The Captain nodded quickly, and Philionel strayed from the path they had been following. 

            Around him were the same trees, but they seemed less lively, more quite then the ones he had been near before. Peacefulness surrounded him, as the whisper of the wind seemed to speed up. 

            "Amelia…" He thought, glad to know he was heading home. No matter how badly his trip had gone, the very thought of his daughter made him joyful. The peace treaty had not been signed, disaster may or may not strike, but he was glad to be going home to her. She brightened the darkest skies.

            Lost in his thoughts of  his precious daughter, Phil did not feel the rumbling of the trees and earth. It was only when the ground began to split beneath his feet that he noticed. 

            He fell.

            Instantly, he grabbed a rock. He looked up, only to find he was too far down to climb. He looked down to find that there was no visible bottom. He tried to cry to the soldiers, only to find that while his mind was clam, his body shook, and his voice was sore was fear.

            And the wind continued to whisper in his ears.

            She tried to keep the tear from trickling down her pale face. And failed. She was sitting upon her bed, on top of a golden comforter. The canopy above her was sheer and let the light shine through. A large window was open partially, letting her feel the breeze. She sat facing two large oak doors, but her eyes were toward her light purple skirt. It puffed out in front of her, flattened slightly from where her arms lied against it. 

            Would he ever come back? Would he die searching for a cure that might never be found? Her tears fell faster down her face as she buried herself in misery. She only wished to seem his face, to tell him the truth. She would go anywhere for him, everywhere for him. If only she could see him once more, she would… Or at least that's what you say, she told her self, you are too frightened to tell him. You know it's over. You will never find him again, find someone else. No! She yelled to the voice in her mind, she asked him to come back! He would, soon, he would come back. 

            And if he came back, would she tell him she loved him, and marry him? Unlikely. Would she even get the guts to tell him, full out, truthfully, her feelings? And even if she could, what would come of that. Her mind was in the middle of a circular discussion, one which haunted her everyday. 

            She looked at the purple fabric of her dress, examining the silken overskirt, trying to find something in it that wasn't there. Which was why she didn't notice the purple- haired man before her.

            "Hello, Princess."

            Amelia looked up, startled.

            "Xellos!"

            There he floated above her, his staff across his lap.

            Xellos held rested his chin against his hand. 

            "Hmm…" He muttered, "Would she…?"

            Amelia's eyebrows slanted, worried and nervous about Xellos' sudden visit.

            "What are you doing here?"

            Xellos smiled, and flipped over, so that his face was right in front of Amelia's,

            "Sore wa himitsu desu!"

            Amelia fell backwards onto the bed, getting up immediately afterwards. She stood on the oak floor of her bedroom.

            "What do you want?"

            Xellos' smile got larger as he lowered himself, feet first, to the ground.

            "Would you save your father, or your lover?"


	2. Waiting

Chapter 2: Waiting

            His arms ached. Below was emptiness, above was the sky. Both were unreachable. The air went past him in wisps, as though it was breathing. The world seemed suddenly alive, the silent birds flying above him, the crackle of pebbles falling down the sleek face of the rock wall. He had taken so little time to enjoy life, and now that it seemed he would only be able to enjoy it for a short while longer.  If he could only see the green grass, and the foliage of the spring trees he could admire those too.  The sun shone beside him, it's bright liquid light harsh, yet beautiful. The rocks glowed with its power. He would rather not die here…

            Where would he rather die? 

            Perhaps in her arms, he thought. No other woman had been so accepting of him. No other woman had meant so much to him, either. If he had to die, he'd rather be in her arms. Those pale, soft- skinned, lithe arms. With her smiling face shining upon him. Her large eyes looking at him with joy and happiness. Her beautiful smile, her most beautiful smile… 

            But he would die here. He would lose his grip and scrape his stone body against the rocks, falling into the dark expanse which was his doom.  The everlasting night would enclose upon him, and he would slip away from life into L-sama's eternity.  

            "Xellos! Tell me!"

            "Sore wa…"

            "Tell me!"

            "Himitsu…."

            "Tell me!"

            "Desu."

            She broke into sobs, wailing at the thought of what was happening. The situation that was happening which Xellos refused to tell her about. Someone was in trouble, she knew. Why was Xellos involved? Had he done something? What was happening? Who was it happening to? What _was_ happening?

            Her body shook with sadness and fear, her eyes full of dripping tears. Her hands were damp from where the tears had fallen. The world was spinning, the room was spinning, a sick feeling filled her stomach. Her thoughts sped by, her mind unable to grab one and concentrate on it. And all the while she saw the image of Xellos, laughing. His purple hair shaking with his incessant joy.  His smiling face, his joyful mirth. Laughing at what was happening, whatever was happening. Laughing at her, as she fell into a world of depression and madness. One moment that seemed to last an eternity.

            "Tell me, Xellos…" She said, trying futilely to clam down her sobbing, "Please."

            Xellos stopped laughing and looked at her. As though he was seeing something there that hadn't been there before. He looked at her with eyes full of wonderment and amazement.  And he spoke to her,

            "Look."


	3. Cookie 1: What If?

Cookie 1: What if?

Author's Note: I've gotten one or two reviews asking for more. And considering that the end of the school year is coming, I don't think I'll have time to write more for a while. So, to please all of you-- cookie #1! (A cookie is a vignette that may or may not have happened/will happen in the storyline) So it's up to you whether this happened or not. Enjoy!

            Lina walked along the unpaved road, wind sweeping through her hair, tears falling down her face. Long streaks of painful wetness covered her cheeks, her face pale to almost whiteness. In her shaking hands was a letter. A letter that also was damp with tears. Soft footfalls resounded in her ears, filling the silence she wanted to last until eternity. She wanted to join him.             

The soggy letter fell limp in her hands as she clutched onto it as though it were her lifeline. 

Behind her was Gourry. She knew he was behind her. These days he never left her side. And after what she had read… he had to be looking at her, worrying. Thinking about what he could do to make it better. He always made things better. 

            If only… but it was stupid to think of what might have happened. What happened happened, she couldn't stop what she hadn't seen. She hadn't even been close enough to get there if she had known what was happening, anyway. But tears streaked down her face despite her half-hearted reassurances. Her cloak moved a bit in the wind that whispered in her ears. It told her it would be all right, but she didn't listen. Why?

            Why?

            She imagined herself there. Looking down at him, trying to help him despite the futileness of it. She would've used her magic. She would've floated down. She could've saved… if only she hadn't… back to the "if only's!"

            'If only' was a stupid thing to think on a day with clear skies and puffy white clouds slightly blocking the warmth of the glowing sun. The path was lined by the green of spring grass, and she would lie down in it and wait. Gourry would sit by a tree and look at the clouds, and they would be in peaceful harmony on this glorious day.

            If only.

            If only Gourry was behind her.

            And not gone forever.


	4. Running

Chapter 3: Running

            The picture gleamed in front of her, a vine wrapped mirror of watery glass. The root of an ancient tree made the image's frame, its leaves were small, delicate and green. A wreath surrounding the seemingly clear image. Amelia could only stare at what floated before her, trying to comprehend while her mind refused to work properly.

            She jumped, the mattress squeaking beneath her, as she found Xellos' hand on her shoulder, his face next to her own, his body behind her own. As she stared forlornly into his eyes she felt a surge of anger. 

She raised her gentle, pale hand. 

She had never felt such power inside her before now. A great power, like magic in its purest form. It felt as though molten lava was coursing through her veins, burning red thick liquid filling her brain with its fiery heat. Her hand hovered from a brief moment in the air, cool wind slapping against it for a fleeting moment. The lava surged and overflowed inside her.

Her hand slapped Xellos against his cheek, her body mustering all its energy into that one rapid movement. Her hand felt no pain, it shook instead with a burning desire to hurt him, kill him, take her burning pain and make him feel it as well. 

Xellos fell backwards, tumbling off the bed in surprise and shock. 

Amelia looked away from Xellos' horrible mirror which once again hovered in front of her line of vision. It was a trick, it wasn't real… it was a trick… She wouldn't believe it. Everything she had seen in that mirror was fake, Xellos wouldn't show her something that terrible, that awful. He wouldn't, he couldn't. She couldn't believe it, she wouldn't believe it… Denial haunted her, "impossible" the only word her mind could form. If only she could run away, just keep running until that mirror was far, far away.

            No.

            That mirror, that image, those vines, weren't there. They were never there. What was there, then? It didn't matter, she didn't care, as long as it wasn't that. If only she could start running away…


	5. Hoping

Author's Note: I want to give a warning to those of you who have been reading this for a while, a wish to continue doing so—this is just the beginning, the biggest plot point won't be coming for a while, and I'm not sure how long _this part will take. I hope that, despite this fact, you will choose to continue reading. Also, I'm sorry for the delay of this chapter, but my modem died during a thunder storm, and we had to buy a new one. Gomen nasai! Please enjoy this new chapter._

Chapter 4: Hoping

            Zelgadis continued to hold onto the smooth rock face, vainly wishing that Amelia was where with him. The wind echoed, the grasses far above him whistling in the wind. The soft screeching of white birds flew to his ears. He glimpsed a flash of green, far, far above him, unreachable. The sun shone on the bleached-white rocks. A trickle of stones came rolling past Zelgadis, and his eyes followed them to the dark bottom blow him. They were falling so swiftly, into a daunting black hole in the far reaches of the earth. His death bed, perhaps? 

His eyes searched above him, hoping her eyes would fall upon him, and her arm would reach out to him. He wanted her to at least be here. He only wished to see her, one last time. As much as he was loathed to admit attachment to anybody, he could not deny his… what to call it? He wasn't sure if it was love, he hadn't really felt that way towards anyone, and it was such a strong emotion… perhaps to strong for him. 

His muscles ached with fatigue, cramping as they kept him from falling. His stone hands were cut and blistered, trickles of blood ran down the rock he held onto. He felt the blood leave his arms, turning them numb, yet they still hurt.  Trying to ignore the pains in his body, Zel continued to distract himself by thinking. He thought of what kind of life he had lead until now. Was it a good one? Had he made the right decisions? 

            He was facing death now. Soon his arms would give up and he would fall, just as swiftly as those stones, into the unforgiving crevice below, to lie there forever. He had certainly picked an opportune time to think of what his life had been like. He would never experience life again. 

A tear escaped his eye, rolling down his stony cheek. A trickle of salty water falling from his face, going to meet Zelgadis at the bottom of the earth. Its descent was quick and painless, such a simple way to leave him… what a simple way to die…

How can you think of this so rationally? A voice inside him screamed. Is your heart made of stone too? 

He had never thought of anyone but himself, Lina and the others hadn't ever _really mattered, had they? He had never __really cared for anyone. No wonder he didn't understand such a simple emotion-- love. He couldn't blame Rezo for his own cold-heartedness. He had blamed everyone but himself, always denying his own horridness. He blamed it on his body, but it was him. It had always been him who was ugly. His body made no difference; it was the inside that counted. How could anyone find any beauty in him? All his life was a waste, full of searching for a cure that didn't exist, hurting everyone in his path just to get what he wanted… a wish…such a selfish wish. He deserved to die now, all alone, on this desolate cliff…_

            Trickles of salty tears leaving his eyes, wide with the pain he felt in his body, inside himself. He need only let go, and rid the earth of himself… the tears trickled down his stone cheeks, dripping against the white-hot rocks, burning up into air. But he didn't want to die… His lungs filled with his final breaths, gasping the hot air which filled all around him, yet seemed so sparse. The world would be better without him… The sun burned upon him, its rays stabbing him like daggers, blazing away the lush green grass above. Such a simple way to die, why not take it? His body ached with unexplainable pain, far beyond what he had felt before. His life was not necessary to anything, anyone… A stone finger slipped, unable to hold on any longer from fatigue.

            "Amelia…" He sobbed. 

            The air swooshed by him… swirling around him as his hands lost their grip…

            Amelia looked away. Xellos laughed.


	6. Cookie 2: Ironic

Cookie 2: Ironic

            Rezo felt his way through the halls of the castle. His fingers touched cold, gravely rock, smoothed a bit from humans constant travel down the hallway, but still bumpy and porous. 

            In his mind Rezo saw his own image of what the hall looked like—a… a… cavern? He did not know what a cavern looked like, but perhaps it resembled a hallway. Two flat, cold, hard "walls" and an equally cold and hard "floor," down an endless blackness…. but even as he tried to envision it, he felt the extreme pain of knowing he would never know what is did _truly_ look like.

            Why was I cursed to such a fate?

            I feel nothing but pain… horrible pain… I can't see my grandson, I can't see my accomplishments,…. 

            I can't even seen my failures.

            If I had one second, one simple second, to open my eyes and _see_…. See! 

The very word sent a wonderful chill through him. 

I've never seen the sun, the grass… these words others use to describe life on this planet; as though they could explain something so… I'll never know… I'll never know what they are. Are they truly beautiful? Or are they awful and grotesque, deformed and terrible? 

            The sun—a beautiful golden ball, that shines in the blueness above the grasses and earth. What does this truly mean? Do my imaginings resemble what is real, or am I simply dreaming of a fake nothingness?

            Pain… deep, intense pain, a dagger through his heart, tears unable to leave his eyes. Never to see. Never to understand life's true beauty and pain. Where is there a cure?

            Where is there a cure? A cure? A cure? A cure?

            An abomination. A true abomination. Eye's fall upon me and stare with agony, quickly spinning away past me. Just to get rid of this ugliness that litters there path.

            My eyes pain to the very skin on my bones. I hate every strand of my metallic hair, every inch of every cell in my deformed body. 

            Power is not worth such a price. What I would give not to have to see myself every time I walk past a glass window, or happen to glimpse a hair straying from under the hood I wear. The pain is brings me—unbearable.

            Is there no way that I can rid myself of my pain, bring myself some happiness by ridding myself of this horrid body.

            Pain… Intense suffering I can't seem to live through. Never to be able to look upon myself without horror. Where is there a cure?

            Where is there a cure? A cure? A cure? A cure?


End file.
